Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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