when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
