Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just tell him i said nine months
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
