just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
