I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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