the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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