dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
