I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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