Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
