I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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