I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
