why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
