yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
