So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
