Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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