The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
