this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
