I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
