we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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