Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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