Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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