I think I died a long time ago.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
