pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
