Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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