Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
