apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
