shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
