Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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