I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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