We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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