yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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