im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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