she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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