Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
