Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
