3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
