i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
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