dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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