I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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