All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
