I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
