i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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