I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
