If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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