Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
