Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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