apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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