Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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