I haven't been this sober since birth.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
