I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
