Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
