Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
