We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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