Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i believe in u and ur pee
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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