just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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