My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
