i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
