I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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