I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
