I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
