Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
do herpes really smell.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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