Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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