i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
