i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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