Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I donโt know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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