I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
