I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize