it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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