i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
