Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
