Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
